TorturedLadydxb

Monday 29 January 2007

Speaking my mind

How great to be told what your weaknesses are and then you take them to heart and you make your step to make a difference and what you think is right which can definitely make you then and your partner feel good and maybe more satisfied.

My problem was that there are issues I knew that they don’t exist or maybe they do but I kept thinking of them and I gave them a lot of my thinking and energy which made me somehow become so vulnerable. It’s like there was a distinct voice in my head that kept repeating sentences I don’t like to know. I won’t tell you I never tried to ignore

that little voice but it just so insistent.

i couldn't feel anymore better because it's like when you pass through a hard time, lovley things in your life get changed maybe unexpectedly .. u know what, sometimes when i receive a big amount of disrespect or any, after a long time i just tell myself, god how could i be that much patient

.. but believe me being me patient and nice leave me receive heartache in each time ,, and because i've been ignoring for a long time , i got collapsed ..

Ignorance (not a solution) ... you should speak out what you feel whenever you feel so upset from someone ...
(Open conversation can help you a lot)

Think that nothing worth it , nothing worth it ...

“It takes great courage to faithfully follow what we know to be true”

Being me sensitive is the most thing I won’t say I hate but I don’t prefer to be the reaction on any situation because it makes me become such a cry-baby that I don’t bare. It’s like if you said something so touching or maybe not, my tears start sliding on my cheeks and when I tell them stop, they just continue. I know I wouldn’t be like that if I wasn’t feeling already burdened from all sides.

God sometimes I become so funny. If I encountered an embarrassing situation or I am stuck in an open conversation with someone, I can start a very long conversation inside me and that becomes like a movie that is on show. And when I just meet friends or any and tell them about the situation, they’ll be like omg how dare you and I just look at them and say, well that was expressed within me silently, I was on mute. I just say. So they just crack up

and I feel like slapping them

. Sometimes not all situations require you talking because you can either get yourself into so much trouble or it might not be the right time.

I really passed through such a hard time lately with many people and that made me tell myself “nothing really worth it”. I just realized that I made a special person feels bad for being me in such a state

. I really would replace the words, depression, stress, tension, negligence, hatred, pessimistic with only one word that can act like a wound healer that is “a smile”. I should search for a smile and share it with others and that surely can make my life exquisite.

P.S: "A verbal wound is as bad as a physical one. Friends are a very rare jewel indeed. They make you smile and encourage you to succeed. They lend an ear, they share words of praise and they always want to open their hearts to us." Qouted !

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Sunday 28 January 2007

Unbelievable situation !

Hi all ..

Today I was at my office thinking of how I can get all of that work done while I am so obsessed about something else. That thought of being you so down made me feel so bad. It’s like all my attempts to make you feel good is for no use. I tried to get you talking and so you get things off your chest but again I drawn in the confusion zone where I got more and more confused. I frankly analyze systems at work and I wont tell you that they don’t have bugs but they end up successfully at the end but in real life most of my analyzed issues end up in failure which is bad ha. Maybe I always forget my successes and find myself dwelling on the failures.

Anyhow, I just told myself TL back to work and stop messing around but unfortunately I still felt myself on bed with my lovely pillow, the most asset I love in my room. I thought of having some tea and so I can get more focused on the task in hand. Believe it or not, while I was making the tea, I realized there is kind of mysterious movement in the pantry. Guess what. One of the creatures I cannot bear and detest most was just starting at me like a dog. That was a mouse, a black scary ugly one. I started to sweat and felt kind of numbness in my legs. My facial expressions I don’t wana talk about. That was really unbelievable. Suddenly one of the people just got in and that mouse just vanished. I was like there is a mouse and you should do something and that human was like it’s only a pet. That’s great, a mouse is a pet now. Actually that kept me awake the whole day without having another cup of tea. So thank you Mr. Mouse for freaking the hill out of me and keeping me active for the whole day. :P

Here are some picx i would like to share

>> a very funny couzin //

>> a novel that i hope to read // and wont be added to my collection

Take care all and good night :)

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Tuesday 23 January 2007

Awfual , nothing more !

How awfual the level we reached in this life .. no one can get hold of anything and people always upset and mixed up and then you feel urself walking in a loop that has no end .. no one bears anyone and no one loves listening to anyone, we always say we have enough ! why do we have to listen ... lies lies lies and we just ignore and live with hypocritical people and believe them in public but deep down we have that gut feeling of them being untrue , they are just fake ..

Then we just repeat the words on us to make us just smile , "what goes around, definitely comes around" ..

They push you away from them or get you closer as if you are a cue on a billiard table .. then you just get lost and not being aware of what their intention is ... I dont know how can i describe that feeling of not being satisfied because i am not being able to understand .. I am just tired from keeping those principles of mine and act maturely. People always say you are so rational and wise but i am not feeling that anymore because many things seem to put me down and less focused .. I was just telling my sis , am i acting like a teen but this is not the true me .. i reached a point where i cannot think whether or not i am doing okay at work or if i am really that happy or lucky like everyone says .. it's like the smallest things make me ask myself "am i depressed or just down" ..

Damn the care i have for everyone i hate it ,, i wish i had that black heart with harsh words .. believe me people will like me more and will treat me as a golden piece and not just a crap .. Feel myself disoriented , i really dont know what to do .. it's like whenever i get out of a worrisome , i just get into another .. now i am really freaked and so worried about my mom .... i was so happy that she finished her surgeries and now she is pained and that makes me so confused and not being able to think , her issue was like a nightmare that i dont want it to return ....... but again it seems my problem ..

P.S: Something i wana share >> Motivate and relieve yourself and dont wait for others to do that for you ..
Dont be afraid to enocunter any situation , and dont ignore because it's gona just make your state worse .. because you'll end up collapsing and getting out all ur anger at once .. Never underestimate yourself and be proud to be who you are no matter how others disappoint you ...

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Monday 22 January 2007

Thank you !

My Though was Dread !

I sit on my office to think
My eyes started to blink
And my cheeks turned pink

In my thought I started to flow
An air beside me begin to blow
A man was there I know
With ugly freaky face to show

I asked him from me "go away"
My beloved I asked to stay
And for me, attention to pay
But for reliving me no one stay
He turned at me and say

Why your life you didn't bear
From others you seek care
Being happy, for you that was rare
For people too much you despair
You lost the beautiful you
And of that you were not aware
People ask, what and you say where
What you did to yourself is unfair
For a while to him I just stare

Who are you? I just said
He told me I am in your head
Who are you? Again I said
Your thinking that is dread
That made you beat and dead

Yesterday i went through an awfual state , i started to write that today

coz i felt how i wasted my tears and i dried my eyes :P for nothing ........

Keep in mind that life passes by now like the scenery ouside a car window and we

really have to enjoy every moment ..

I took this pic , i dont know why but i loved it .. :P

PS: I would like to thank you for being with me today to cheer me up.

without you in my life i feel really an emptiness in my soul .. Thank you

a lot

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Sunday 21 January 2007

Today !

Today i woke up having a very heavy heart ,,

then i felt like going out to have some fresh air with any
but everyone seemed busy and didnot have anyone to go out with

, so i decided to stay home like yesterday .. u know what really makes me feel so irritated is i really spent the last previous months studying
so hard for my master and that made me feel like many things i like doing remained undone .. now where
i have a vacation for a while i really need to releave my mind by doing things i couldn't do while i am studying
and working .. I really feel like going out with friends , having some good time and relax ..

but again that feeling is like becoming inconsiderate sometimes and it's like someone inside me talks and keep
talking and play the sentence "how could you stay at home, u really have to have good time" .. then i just
say shut up and he keeps talking ..

I dont know if anyone had such a strange feeling .. it's crazy .. and i do think it's crazy but i dont realize how
crazy it is unless i get busy again ,, so awkward ..

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Friday 19 January 2007

Respect and bad mood

Respect is what many lacks nowadays and that what makes many people get hurt ,, eventhough many know how

important this feature is, i wont say the majority but the minority overlooks "respect" in their relationship with

not only others but their beloved, people who they regard as the most important in their life ..

When we say respect , it's very important when you deal with your manager, colleagues, family members, friends ..

because this is the base of any successful relationship. basically it's the key and without it a healthy bond will be

missing ... Does your bad mood lead you to disrespect ???

So are you driven by your moods, or ruled by your feelings .. in this case, you really have to master your moods because others don't deserve handling your anger or harsh words just because you are in a bad mood .. It's right that friends should handle others at their worst but if their worst is never changed and it's always there , that means you are not trying to get out of what you are passing through .. Dealing with anger by having blazing rows over any issue doesn't mean that the relationship is healthy and those two people are getting so along with each other which makes them fight from time to time but it means that both of them has a problem of not being able to handle their emotions, in other words not having positive moods ..

Some people start screaming at each other, cursing, swearing and after a while they come back and apologize , it becoms a typical stuff .. maybe not now but after some time you'll realize that it's so tedious and tiring , it really takes a lot of your energy and end up you feeling depressed .. So how can you handle this and have a healthy relationship ? When there is something not very important bothering you just start to calm down and be alone for a while , forget the issue for some time and the importance of this issue will vanish , so the sulking period will reduce and you'll be fresh again .. by that you'll be able to realize what's really important and what's not ..

"Anger can make you say or do stupid things - it can reduce your social inhibitory mechanism and endanger other people - physically or emotionally." ..

Keep in mind the bad mood can reduce your immunity system and that will reduce your amount of food and make you get more diseases ... If you dont try to train yourself to get positive mood by enjoying your time , you'll end up regreting of losing many nice things in ur life .. Dont be a slave to your feelings and try to get over them "Never wallow" ..

So what should you do to get out of this bad mood ..

We really can make our bad mood not last for so long but we cannot stop it from coming ..

Anger ~

- Cool off. If a person annoyed you , just try to distract yourself and stay away from the situation or the person ..

Melancholy ~

- Change your way of rumination. 'She left me and i'll be always alone" becomes "The relationship wasn't so great because ... " ..

- Sadness can make you have low arousal .. so aerobics can make you have a high arousal ..

Empathy ~

- Use relaxation techniques , such as hot baths, relaxing meditation .. etc

Let your mood be happy to have a good refelction on your life and make every day passes great =)

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