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Friday, 27 July 2007
Neglecting myself ..

I was wondering lately why my weight is in decrease , i lost my appetite, and why i am less focused and seemed tired most of the time .... then i realized that i was torturing myself, i was simply so hard on TL .. i might seem so adroit in handling people but not really good in handling and taking care of myself and that's what made me so sick of the agony of my mistake .. Others can be crude no matter how nice you are and having a long dialog with myself made me more and more weary .. i think of the other person needs and desires and pleasure more than thinking of myself and what really do i get at the end "NOTHING" .. and i really mean nothing .. i start putting a list of excuses to make me more able to forgive and forget and i start analysing and trying to figure out the reason of any treatment i get and then i start questioning myself if i do really deserve that , it's a lot for me to process...... it's really exhausting ..



Then i asked myself a question , do i really love myself and i answered surely yes , so why am i being so hard on me where life is so nice .... changes are possible but the problem occurs if we are not able to be adaptable to these changes that we might face ....... sometimes i do feel that i am about to go insance and nothing really worth it .. i did demoralize my self-esteem and found myself less confident at work , with friends with me .. no one made me taste the hell but me with my flesh and blood , it was my choice to go on with the suffering phase ... i do believe that we are creatures of emotion and not logic , so if we find love, sympathy and appreciation we feel extremely satisfied and if we find harsh treatment and incosideration we do feel depressed .. and me with no difference ....... so i guess i was searching for appreciation and some words that can nourish my self-esteem .. we should really think of ourselves health and pleasure like we do for others .. we can't be responsible of others action and way of thinking but we are responsible of taking good care of ourselves .. the point i wana make here is that like you overwhelm your children, friends , family with love , overwhelm youself with love and care so that you can enjoy life more than ever .....

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~ TorturedLady is a woman with principles who doesn't care what others think or how would they react .. no matter what criticism she might get , she always passes by with pride because she is different .. ~ ..


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